When we moved back to Swift Current we started attending the Alliance Church we left all those many years ago. In those days it was what it was. The first Church I had went to after I became a Christian. These were my brothers and sisters in Christ, for good and for ill. It would be an understatement to say that we have changed a little in the preceding years. Although I'm sure this part of the body of Christ has changed, I still see the same...bent, if you will...in the message and direction and will. This direction is towards missions and evangelism. Not surprising, as this is what the Alliance Church is known for. And, these are not bad things in and of themselves. It's the WAY these things are gone about that has been kinda picking away at me all these years.
We would attend the services from time to time over the years and it's the same message dressed up differently and given new names - There is a new program (insert name) that we're promoting. Let's get excited about Christ. Let's go out there and win this city for Jesus. Let's be contagious Christians. Let's pray more. Witness more. Do more. More more. These are great things but I find I'm not buying it anymore. The underlying thing I see here is the mentality that WE/I have to get on board and start doing all this stuff. Once I find my passion, my spiritual gift(s), once I determine my evangelism style, etc., etc., I will then be prepared to win souls for Jesus. Although Jesus is mentioned it seems the bent is towards self reliance, rather than reliance on Him. Instead of learning about Him, about my sin and God's wrath and how much we NEED Him, our Savior, there are endless programs teaching us how to do God's work for Him. I'm lead to believe that if I do all this stuff that people will get saved. But wait a minute! Salvation, conviction of sin, bringing sinners to repentance - this is all GOD'S work. We are HIS instruments, His hands, His feet. He makes the opportunities to share my faith, not me. He uses this dirtbag that is me for His glory, if He so chooses. He chastises me when I sin and shows me that there is NOTHING in me that can even remotely come close to doing what HE does. I can't drum up the energy to be more Christlike. Only Christ can be Christ. HE does that IN me.
I am reminded of the story in the Old Testament where King Saul has been commanded to destroy Amalek. He destroys all but the very best of Amalek. He kept the very best of what God had utterly condemned and then offered it to God. He was rejected as King by God through the prophet Samuel. This same thing is happening here. God has condemned the flesh, the sinful nature, in us nailing it to the cross. Instead we are taking the good stuff of the sinful nature (WE will win this city for Him. WE will pray more. WE will learn more about OUR evangelism style. etc. WE, WE, I, I) and offering it to God. The desire is admirable but how we go about it is not. How can we offer to God what he has already condemened? "It is God who works in us both to will and to do according to His good pleasure." It is God, and not me, who is the Source of this Christian life. No amount of my praying more, doing more, saying more will change this even one iota towards the good unless He is the source of it.
I think that the more I learn about who Jesus is and what He has done for me and what He continues to do for me - in essence, a relationship with Him - will true evangelism happen. I will not have to work up the effort to go out there and tell others about Jesus. I have opportunities come to me as I go about my daily life. I will not have to learn about my evangelism style because Jesus Christ, if He so chooses, uses plain old, sinful, ugly me where I'm at and how I am. It is true freedom knowing that HE can take care of Himself and that His kingdom is not dependant on how I perform here "for Him".
So, I think we may be saying, "Good bye", to this particular portion of the Body of Christ and moving to another. Not sure where that may be yet but I hope the search will not be a long one.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Monday, March 9, 2009
Death and Forgiveness.
It's been quite a week here in Curtville. My grandpa got very sick and passed away. It all happened pretty quickly.
Fifteen years ago my grandpa and I had a...falling out. That's the polite way of putting it. He did something that I thought, and still think, was a terrible wrong. I was angry, and I sent him a letter explaining why and what I thought of what he had done. If I had spoken with him at the time I did not think I could express how I felt appropriately because I was so angry, so I sent the letter. He did not like what I had said and he never said anything. Nothing. No letter, no phone call - nothing. I just heard about how he took it through other members of the family.
As time went on it just became a part of everyday life. That's how things were. That's how they will be. I saw him twice in all that time and when I said, "Hi grandpa.", it was met with a very withdrawn, "Hello Curt.", followed by his walking away. I was very close to my grandma and grandpa growing up and this was how it had turned out. All because I had told him that what he had done was wrong. Well, I'm pretty stubborn and he was as well. Rather than talk about it we both just went our ways. I'm not sure of his thoughts on it but mine were like this: "I have said my piece. If he doesn't want to acknowledge it then I guess that's that."
Last week I heard that my grandpa was sent to the hospital and was pretty sick. He had not eaten anything for a few days and was really weak. He had to go to the hospital by ambulance. When he was in the hospital he started to get better so I thought that things were going to be okay. I then got a call from my folks telling me that he had gotten worse and had a heart attack. It was only a matter of time until he died and would not be making out of the hospital. I packed a bag and went. My dad met me at the hospital and took me to his room. It was pretty late and he was sleeping. He looked like a shell of the man I once knew. He was so skinny, just laying there.
The next day I went with dad and saw my grandpa. He and I talked about what had happened long ago and I told him that I still thought what he had did was wrong but that I wanted to get past this. He did what he did and I said what I said. We could not change that but we could decide to forgive each other. We did. This made me think about the forgiveness of Jesus Christ when he forgave me. I was, and still am, a sinner. He forgave me knowing the worst about me and knowing, also, the sins I would commit in the future. He did this. Why couldn't I? Pride. Arrogance. Anger. Stubbornness. One of any number of reasons will suffice, but they all are valid.
I now wish I had done this earlier, before he died. It would have been so cool having my girls meet him - my grandpa on the farm. I would have been so cool having him meet them - my little poopsies.
I miss you, granpda. I wish....
Fifteen years ago my grandpa and I had a...falling out. That's the polite way of putting it. He did something that I thought, and still think, was a terrible wrong. I was angry, and I sent him a letter explaining why and what I thought of what he had done. If I had spoken with him at the time I did not think I could express how I felt appropriately because I was so angry, so I sent the letter. He did not like what I had said and he never said anything. Nothing. No letter, no phone call - nothing. I just heard about how he took it through other members of the family.
As time went on it just became a part of everyday life. That's how things were. That's how they will be. I saw him twice in all that time and when I said, "Hi grandpa.", it was met with a very withdrawn, "Hello Curt.", followed by his walking away. I was very close to my grandma and grandpa growing up and this was how it had turned out. All because I had told him that what he had done was wrong. Well, I'm pretty stubborn and he was as well. Rather than talk about it we both just went our ways. I'm not sure of his thoughts on it but mine were like this: "I have said my piece. If he doesn't want to acknowledge it then I guess that's that."
Last week I heard that my grandpa was sent to the hospital and was pretty sick. He had not eaten anything for a few days and was really weak. He had to go to the hospital by ambulance. When he was in the hospital he started to get better so I thought that things were going to be okay. I then got a call from my folks telling me that he had gotten worse and had a heart attack. It was only a matter of time until he died and would not be making out of the hospital. I packed a bag and went. My dad met me at the hospital and took me to his room. It was pretty late and he was sleeping. He looked like a shell of the man I once knew. He was so skinny, just laying there.
The next day I went with dad and saw my grandpa. He and I talked about what had happened long ago and I told him that I still thought what he had did was wrong but that I wanted to get past this. He did what he did and I said what I said. We could not change that but we could decide to forgive each other. We did. This made me think about the forgiveness of Jesus Christ when he forgave me. I was, and still am, a sinner. He forgave me knowing the worst about me and knowing, also, the sins I would commit in the future. He did this. Why couldn't I? Pride. Arrogance. Anger. Stubbornness. One of any number of reasons will suffice, but they all are valid.
I now wish I had done this earlier, before he died. It would have been so cool having my girls meet him - my grandpa on the farm. I would have been so cool having him meet them - my little poopsies.
I miss you, granpda. I wish....
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Is the cord really cut?
I do believe that all the things that have been tying us to Alberta are at last gone. All ties, other that our awesome friends, that is.
The T4 arrived here the other day from the last place I worked there. As I have mentioned before that circumstances that lead to my leaving were not good. My old martial arts teacher and, I thought, friend, was my old boss and the owner of the company that I worked for. I refused to commit certain illegal acts that he assured me were not illegal and what followed was threats, intimidation and the like. He failed to pay me my holiday pay but I thought since I did get the majority of my final paycheck he could keep the rest. I found out later through other co-workers that he thought himself quite clever for doing this. I had let them know the address where I wanted my T4 mailed and they sent it to an address that did not exist. Thankfully this is a somewhat small place and the mail person brought it to the correct address - although they got the first number in the address wrong they did spell my name right. This brought out a lot of thoughts. Knowing what I know of them I think they did this intentionally. They mailed it out and if it got to the wrong address, oh well. It would have meant a longer wait for me but they would have had it mailed out in time for tax season. I don't know how many times I sat there and listened to him talk about being sneaky with people he owed money to or some other thing. Anyway, it made me want to play along with it to see where it would go. Maybe I would email them and ask them when they were going to send it, then see what they would do. I then thought that I have what they were supposed to send me. Let them live in the world they have created for themselves. What part do I want in that world?
It is amazing to me how people, including this person, work harder at being dishonest, weaving lie upon lie, than they do at being honest and owning up to the crap they get themselves into. They would rather lie and connive than take responsibility for their actions. I still have the application for the black belt test that I would have taken and in it there is talk about how a black belt is to be upstanding in society and blah, blah, blah. This guys life definitely does NOT reflect this lofty ideal that he wants his black belts to have. It is such a waste of time trying to one-up someone or to work at making another person's life terrible. I see the person that he is and feel extreme sadness and pity for him. A life like his is NOT one of peace and in the end all that he has sown will come to fruition and he will have to live in the circumstances he has created.
If only you were what you try so hard to make other people believe you are. It was that guy that I respected and thought was so cool. I forgive you because I have been where you are right now and Jesus Christ forgave me and is changing me.
The T4 arrived here the other day from the last place I worked there. As I have mentioned before that circumstances that lead to my leaving were not good. My old martial arts teacher and, I thought, friend, was my old boss and the owner of the company that I worked for. I refused to commit certain illegal acts that he assured me were not illegal and what followed was threats, intimidation and the like. He failed to pay me my holiday pay but I thought since I did get the majority of my final paycheck he could keep the rest. I found out later through other co-workers that he thought himself quite clever for doing this. I had let them know the address where I wanted my T4 mailed and they sent it to an address that did not exist. Thankfully this is a somewhat small place and the mail person brought it to the correct address - although they got the first number in the address wrong they did spell my name right. This brought out a lot of thoughts. Knowing what I know of them I think they did this intentionally. They mailed it out and if it got to the wrong address, oh well. It would have meant a longer wait for me but they would have had it mailed out in time for tax season. I don't know how many times I sat there and listened to him talk about being sneaky with people he owed money to or some other thing. Anyway, it made me want to play along with it to see where it would go. Maybe I would email them and ask them when they were going to send it, then see what they would do. I then thought that I have what they were supposed to send me. Let them live in the world they have created for themselves. What part do I want in that world?
It is amazing to me how people, including this person, work harder at being dishonest, weaving lie upon lie, than they do at being honest and owning up to the crap they get themselves into. They would rather lie and connive than take responsibility for their actions. I still have the application for the black belt test that I would have taken and in it there is talk about how a black belt is to be upstanding in society and blah, blah, blah. This guys life definitely does NOT reflect this lofty ideal that he wants his black belts to have. It is such a waste of time trying to one-up someone or to work at making another person's life terrible. I see the person that he is and feel extreme sadness and pity for him. A life like his is NOT one of peace and in the end all that he has sown will come to fruition and he will have to live in the circumstances he has created.
If only you were what you try so hard to make other people believe you are. It was that guy that I respected and thought was so cool. I forgive you because I have been where you are right now and Jesus Christ forgave me and is changing me.
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