Death and Forgiveness.

It's been quite a week here in Curtville. My grandpa got very sick and passed away. It all happened pretty quickly.

Fifteen years ago my grandpa and I had a...falling out. That's the polite way of putting it. He did something that I thought, and still think, was a terrible wrong. I was angry, and I sent him a letter explaining why and what I thought of what he had done. If I had spoken with him at the time I did not think I could express how I felt appropriately because I was so angry, so I sent the letter. He did not like what I had said and he never said anything. Nothing. No letter, no phone call - nothing. I just heard about how he took it through other members of the family.

As time went on it just became a part of everyday life. That's how things were. That's how they will be. I saw him twice in all that time and when I said, "Hi grandpa.", it was met with a very withdrawn, "Hello Curt.", followed by his walking away. I was very close to my grandma and grandpa growing up and this was how it had turned out. All because I had told him that what he had done was wrong. Well, I'm pretty stubborn and he was as well. Rather than talk about it we both just went our ways. I'm not sure of his thoughts on it but mine were like this: "I have said my piece. If he doesn't want to acknowledge it then I guess that's that."

Last week I heard that my grandpa was sent to the hospital and was pretty sick. He had not eaten anything for a few days and was really weak. He had to go to the hospital by ambulance. When he was in the hospital he started to get better so I thought that things were going to be okay. I then got a call from my folks telling me that he had gotten worse and had a heart attack. It was only a matter of time until he died and would not be making out of the hospital. I packed a bag and went. My dad met me at the hospital and took me to his room. It was pretty late and he was sleeping. He looked like a shell of the man I once knew. He was so skinny, just laying there.

The next day I went with dad and saw my grandpa. He and I talked about what had happened long ago and I told him that I still thought what he had did was wrong but that I wanted to get past this. He did what he did and I said what I said. We could not change that but we could decide to forgive each other. We did. This made me think about the forgiveness of Jesus Christ when he forgave me. I was, and still am, a sinner. He forgave me knowing the worst about me and knowing, also, the sins I would commit in the future. He did this. Why couldn't I? Pride. Arrogance. Anger. Stubbornness. One of any number of reasons will suffice, but they all are valid.

I now wish I had done this earlier, before he died. It would have been so cool having my girls meet him - my grandpa on the farm. I would have been so cool having him meet them - my little poopsies.

I miss you, granpda. I wish....